fasting, and hard core thoughts.

i'm considering fasting from the internet one day a week. i'm also pondering over whether i should pick up my monday fast from all "pleasure" foods for the sake of praying for my family. when i was in colorado, i had a long discussion with my aunt Bea about why she fasts and the results of her steadfastness throughout the years. through God's grace i have come to develop a deeper understanding for why believers fast from what they do. it's not crazy, as some people think, though neither is is required. it is an extension of one's desires. an earnest statement, an action that shows sacrifice of one thing in order to express one's earnest desire.

in my case, the fast from all pleasurable foods is an extension of my earnest plea before the Lord; it is visible proof, if you will, that i am willing to put aside worldly things in order to pursue a greater purpose, w/e that may be. in this case, it is bringing my family (extended as well) before the Lord, and praying over them all.

fasting is not just a sacrifice of something pleasurable for the sake of putting off worldly pleasures. fasting from something also opens up time, that you wouldn't otherwise think of, to:

• pray--about whatever it is you are earnestly bringing before the Lord. pray for His will to be done in your life, whatever it may be. pray for an open heart that will be sensitive to His voice and leading.
• read--God's word, or anything else that will encourage you to draw near to God's heart, but especially His word! there is nothing better. reading along w/ a commentary is a great idea.
• meditate--on scripture. it's easy to just read on and on and on and get lost in the midst of all of it, not even comprehending what you just read, or even noticing the words. that is not meditating. meditating means choosing a particular scripture, maybe 1 or 2 verses, even, and simply thinking over them, praying over them, pondering them, talking to God about them.
• listen --while you're meditating on His word. soooo very key to growing in our walk is drawing near to God and then listening. just listening. there's no rush to hear something, or get somewhere. the only important thing in the universe is our Jesus, almighty God, our good and perfect Father. so just listen to Him. wait on Him. He will speak. not in our timing, but in His good and perfect time.

my biggest problem with taking on fasting and making it a habit is that i forget. i am a creature of dreadful habits, and one of them is getting caught up in the moment and not realizing that my more important plans are getting trampled in the process.

so, i have the will, but the desire is not strong enough yet. i need to be there and do it.

i won't consider fasting from both food and internet on the same day right now, since the purpose is not to drive me insane... haha. just kidding. maybe one day i will, but right now... i'm still too immature. honestly, and i know i am.

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from here on out, do not expect much order... the following are my honest thoughts. but they are rough and gritty.

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another thing on my mind of late is something i often lose sight of... that is the fact that we all lose sight of what it is that truly matters in this life. we sometimes willfully forget the "big picture," if you will, and that is the fact that all that matters is God. Jesus. our Father. He existed before anything else, and created us for His good pleasure. we screwed it up even though He gave us a choice of choosing right. unfortunately we are all desperately wicked. so He made a way, ONE way to reconcile us to Himself so that we might be saved from damnation, separation from Him, not only in life on this present earth, but for all eternity. do you realize that this life is very short in comparison to eternity? all that matters even a little bit is Jesus. if you can't see this, then you're not a Christian. you cannot be a child of God and not have even an inkling of what I'm talking about in and on your mind. you CANNOT. if you have been washed in the blood of Christ, then His spirit is in you. if His spirit is in you, then you are a temple of the most high God. this shames me, because i do not treat my body as a vessel of God. holy moly. i am so ashamed of the things i do with my time when i reflect on this... we all should realize this all the time, and make decisions accordingly. ALL THAT MATTERS is God. all that matters is living for Him, and Him alone. not for pursuing worldly interests that have all but forsaken any shred of morality or the desire to pursue such. WHY ARE WE SPENDING OUR TIME on these things? we're only gratifying our flesh, and the only one pleased when we make bad choices of any kind is satan. we're not lost, so we do have the ability to choose NOT to sin. we have no excuse. God sees right through all your lies, deceit, and excuses. why make them in the first place? you have no shield, no way to hide from a righteous God. He is the only holy one. and He will judge all in the end. we get to explain ourselves for all our decisions here. yayyyy. we're idiots. thank God for His grace and love despite our hopeless selves, lost to our sin nature. boooooooooo, sin nature. BOOO. and BOOO to you, too, Satan. damn you to hell. thank you, God, that You WILL have victory over sin and Satan, and he WILL be damned to hell forever.

amen.