Learning to accept

Woo! This is a long post after all. I had a lot on my heart I was apparently needing to get out.

I'm having to open up my heart and mind to a whole new world outside what I am used to.
How I've grown up, so sheltered, so conservative. I'm really being taken out of my "comfy" zone and in some ways, I'm desperately trying to get out of it. I'm sick of it in a way, and despise that my ministry zone is so limited to my little circle of friends. By ministry, I don't just mean Jesus. I'm talking about lovin' on people. I want to share love with everyone I meet, even if in some small way. I'm a slow mover, so I don't tend to open up to people until I've spent alot of time around them or had some experiences with them that give us common ground, and that prevents me from being a blessing immediately. Doesn't it? I think it kinda does.

God's been opening all these windows lately. People are reaching out to me ACTIVELY, and it blows my mind. I'm like the least "reach-out-able-to" (meaning "approachable") person I know. Or at least I thought I was. Maybe it just depends on where I am and how I'm acting. Maybe I appear more approachable in certain areas, and that is why I end up meeting new people. Sweet people, people who want help, or just wanna chat, people who wanna really spend time with me. They see things in me that I didn't think anyone else could notice. Good things.
It's really cool, and I'm very grateful that someone would want to get to know me. The friends I have made through the grace of God this semester through whatever random happenstance have blessed me so much in many ways. My heart is open, but I am trying to guard it carefully so as to not let in something that will really eff with my life. I need prayer to be strong and careful of my actions, that I will glorify the Lord (which I will anyway, whether or not I want to). I'm flattered and feeling loved right now. I have to trust the Lord that I am a beautiful child of His all the time, so when someone gives me a compliment on my character, or thanks me for something I do, I'm so encouraged and flattered, I don't know what to do with myself. I grew up being put down about alot of things, and it's sometimes difficult for me to live confidently. God's been working on that, tho. I know I am a beautiful woman of God. I will always be a work in progress, but that's what I am. I am also a child of the Risen Lord Jesus, Who died for my transgressions. He died for yours, too, friend!--once, for all sins, for all people, that we might be brought to Him! This is wonderful and encouraging news to me. I hope it encourages you, too.
I tell no lies! See for yourself:

I Peter 3:18a
"For Christ died for sins once and for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God."

During our sermon today, I took these notes:

• The four words that comprise the Gospel: "Christ died for sins."
• He died once for all
• We've been made holy once for all time for all sinners who believe through His sacrifice
• He died only for this purpose: to bring us to Him
  
• "There is no one who understands,
  no one who seeks God.
  All have turned away,
  they have together become worthless;
  there is no one who does good,
  not even one."--Romans 3:11-12

This last verse can be very frustrating when we try to look at it from the typical American POV. "I'm free to do whatever I want--it's my personal right! Don't judge me, etc" That's fine, but what really gets me is thinking of "selfless" people who do "good deeds" such as [i know this is cliche] people who are perhaps helping out with a major crisis somewhere (name one, amirite?) in the world, but who are not believers. They are simply doing what they are because they want to help their fellow man. But God's Word tells us that, no, unless we are doing something under Him (meaning we've admitted our depravity and accepted His grace), our actions are not only meaningless, they are basically shit.

"All of us have become like one who is unclean,
and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags."
Isaiah 64:6a

Dang! That's harsh, ya'll. That's way harsh. This is something I'm still learning about (haha, see that tie-in to my blog name!?) this as well as many other issues on my heart.

Lord, please be gracious to me and grant me understanding of this crazy life. I know I need to be patient, as learning takes a long time, and I may not be ready to understand some things yet. Calm my heart and help me to remember that your timing is perfect. May Your will be done in my life.
Amen!!