not again...

so today when i came home from Richland, i decided to make myself more chicken noodle soup (homemade broth). my dad was STILL awake watching tv (he gets home from work around 7:20a) and was wanting me (he "asked" me, meaning he whined) to make him either blueberry pancakes, carrot cake, or strawberry cake. i told him i was planning on making myself some soup but that i could go ahead and make some blueberry pancakes also. so i did, and he was surprised when i brought him the first fruits of my labor. it wasn't cooked all the way through (test batch, and i didn't check it first before giving it away), but he was nice about that, just informing me of the fact. i thanked him. he asked why it was so thick, to which i replied that it was a test batch. it took several re-statements of the fact to get him to hear me, but he still didn't "get" what i was saying--prob because he wasn't REALLY paying attention to me but rather the tv.

the next one i made him, he thought was delicious. so delicious in fact, that i could get a husband with it. if i made a man pancakes like that, i could get him to marry me, but only if i didn't say anything. meaning if i didn't TALK at all, the man would want to marry me. ...

that hurt me, and i told him (as he dragged it out, probably trying to get a reaction out of me) that it was a very rude thing to say. not that he cares.

he thinks this is funny. he does things like this frequently.

so then he asks me to bring him a damp paper towel or napkin for his sticky hands (because he's too lazy to stop watching the game for 1 minute--which has been pre-recorded, btw--to wash his hands). i tell him that i will do it only if he takes back what he said about me.

he just makes more jokes about it, playing on the words as if i'm going to give up and give in.

i told him it wasn't funny. he was silent for awhile (watching the game) and then asked where his napkin was, to which i replied that i was only bringing it to him if he'd apologize.

he ignored what i said, and then a little later asked what happened to his napkin, which i ignored. i had finished clearing off the stove by that point, and gotten some soup into a bowl for me to eat in my room. on my way out, i told him that i was serious--if he's going to be rude to me, then he can get it himself, and the rest of his pancakes were on the stove.

he hasn't bugged me since, and he did eventually go work it out himself (so hard!).

this is not an uncommon happenstance.

i handled it this particular way for a reason--my accountability partner and i talked at our last meeting about how i should react when treated unjustly by my father (or really, anyone i'm close to). she gave me a ... formula... of sorts of how to handle the situation. here's how it goes basically:

1. normal interaction (e.g.--just talking, or perhaps even getting along well)
2. dad says or does something rude (e.g.-- insults my body, my integrity, either verbally or physically)
3. i take offense and make it known that his actions are not welcome, giving him a warning
4. dad can either stop or continues to be disrespectful/rude/unkind--if he continues, then
5. within my power, i do w/e i can to get out of the situation, and make it known to him why

this is difficult to do if i cannot physically leave the house for some reason. now that i can drive AND we have two vehicles, it is usually possible, but not always... and sometimes it is inconvenient, such as during a family event (this happened in colorado and if i had left it would've been very awkward for everyone) or when i have company over and it is awkward for them (tho most of my friends are very aware of the nature of my relationship with my dad).

for me, this ultimatum thing is hard. my dad just doesn't have a teachable heart, nor a desire to be kind and loving as a priority to his family. but i have to set boundaries on how i will allow myself to be treated. this is ridiculous, and makes me very sad to have to do. i want to talk things out and be reasonable. but one cannot reason with the unreasonable...

if you're going to leave a comment, for the love of me, please do not tell me how to "fix" my dad or how to "fix" myself or our relationship. if you cannot guess that i've had hundreds of people tell me stuff like that my whole life already, then you don't need to be giving advice in the first place because you're not as wise as you think.

there is no easy solution to this issue. i've had several thrown at me, and i've stared in disbelief at some of the well-meant, but foolish advice i've received.

there is spiritual warfare going on, and no human reasoning is going to aid here. only Christ. so please pray for my dad when you remember to, and pray for me to be patient, loving, resolute, and strong. i need much encouragement in this area because i am weak when i am alone, as we all are... i don't want to face this challenge free from human aid. and i'm not meant to.

thank you all for your love and prayers =)